Shit. Shit. Shit.

I'm stuck. I don't really want to connect the dots, follow the (gluten-free) bread crumbs, or put together the proverbial puzzle pieces. There are a lot of fucking puzzle pieces. They tell me things will get worse if I don't deal with whatever is rolling around in my head. I don't know what I'm dealing with, but perhaps it's more accurate to say I don't want to know what I'm dealing with. Realistically I don't have a choice to stay in the dark, seeing as every time I go to sleep some new and unpleasant tidbit pops up and refuses to let me be. I am tired and would just like to sleep. I would like my body to stop reacting. I would like my body to stop remembering things I don't.

I'm supposed to be rabidly consuming alternative therapies at this point, in an effort to figure things out. However, I'm slowly circling with indecision, unable to make a move because I have a feeling things will just get messier.

I don't like messes.