Freakin' Tickin' Time Bomb

Does anyone ever feel that way? Like a ticking time bomb? I mean, now that exams are done and school's over for now, anything can happen. It sort of frightens me in a weird but very real way. Summer does that to me; I don't know why. No wait, that's a lie. I do know: I always remember summers in dark colours, through a filter of sorts. What was bright in reality is remembered darkly. Perhaps it forms a rather interesting dichotomy; the brightness serving as a stark backdrop to what happens during the summer, when things grow wild and are left unchecked, unhinged and uninhibited, hell-bent on doing things one really ought to stop and think about. But that's just a vague guess. I could be wrong. It would not be the first time. Still, wanderings through flashbacks and breaking points always come to light as dark, the feeling cold and empty. It leaves me wondering about what went wrong, where did the chemistry fail, why did the bell not chime in time to warn me of the sharp curve ahead, of the uneven and treacherous planes of stomach and thigh? All points to ponder as I wade through this present summer, hoping to more fully recognize the thump of steps, the erratic beat of the heart, the failing of the mind, the mad-man who drives it all, and the implications of each.

The ticking bomb - off off it goes;
where it lands I hope it blows.
The blasts,
the blaring,
the relief,
if only it hits you while asleep.

Mr. S doesn't know how to form a sensible sentence - or spell!

I'm finally done grade 11 - I just hope I passed my math exam! Oh man, math should be shot. Our Law30 final was today and it was sad - Mr. S should really take a grammar class. Um, he probably shouldn't be marking my paper if he can't form a cognitive sentence. Ha ha. for some of them I was like, "What the heck?" but oh well - I don't care because I'm done! Woop-dee doo!

A white boy and the blues

Holy s***! Kyle Riabko was freaking AMAZING!!! Soooooooo good. I'm gonna email my brother and tell him to check it out and listen to my future husband. Ha ha ha. Seriously though. I can't even tell you how good it was...mmmm.

On a completely different note,
"sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
- The Fray

I've Realized that...

-That I'm not really sure of many things.
-what I am sure of is that my dog loves me, that God loves me, that I'm a weirdo, and that I will never be normal.
-I'm not sure I'll find love or space or sanity, or live a long life - I'm still on the fence about whether I even want to live a long life - it seems so daunting.
-I'm not sure I'll ever stop missing "her" - I don't like to speak of the dead.
-I'm not sure that I'll do what is healing or destructive or borderline in my life.
-I've realized that I just don't know much of anything at all.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? - Really NOT that cryptic.

Oh man, I have no idea. Seriously - what the heck do you do when you have NO idea what to do? This summer there's an opportunity that could LITERALLY change my life and I don't know if I even WANT to change - is it worth it? I don't know. Is changing into something different any better than what I am now? It makes me nauseous to think about. Really. Nauseous.

And the thing is, it really isn't just me that decides my fate - my parents are going to say no, and there are other peoople I have to convince. Oh man, I can't stop thinking about this. I know I'm scared out of my mind, so is that a good indicator of whether or not to go? Bah. This all sucks. I don't even know what I'm saying or if this makes sense.

Argh. :(

McBastard and Christine...

Man, tonight was fun, yo! Hailey, snaps to you for macking on a statue. But that other guy that came up to us was really creepy! (shudders) Ha ha, Leah, Allison and I DID NOT get lost on our way to DQ. Not at all. We just took the scenic route, alright? Good times, good times. Oh, and Christine, stop hitting on me! And I know your first child will definitely be named McBastard. Love it. Fear it. Embrace it.

Boo, pickles smell weird....like pickles.

Boo, my kitchen smelled like funky pickles when i got home. Weird. I don't like the smell of pickles. Or kids that smell like pickles. Blah, that's even worse.

and how come parents are so dumb sometimes? I don't understand it. I mean, I know parenting is hard and I know I'd probably flub up like, all the time, but still....somehow it still frustrates me.

Breanne, on Payless ShoeSource: "Look, it's a beacon of hope and leather!"

Oh man, I NEED for school to be over!!! I'm going nuts. Seriously. I need a darn break - and the small group outing keeps getting cancelled! Bah! Oh well, when it does happen, I'm sure it'll be a kick-ass time. Sweet.

I am so stoked for summer, you guys. I don't even really have anything to do other than work a little, but no worries. The fact is that during the summer, things are so much more laid back. AND I CAN SLEEP IN!! No one can say anything bad about that. If you do, Jess'll cut you! Ha ha ha. On the other hand, summer can get boring, so I vote ya'll come over and watch movies and raid my closet. Mmmm...shoes, Jess! Good times.

Man I hate people like that!

Bah. Bad mood strikes! I hate people who act like they know so much more than you and try to coach you, when really they're doing or have done exactly what you're doing! Where do they get off on that? Geesh. OR, k this bugs me even more - when they're like, "Oh I TOTALLY understand!" but really they don't understand it at all. OR, on top of that, they're like, oh yeah, I don't like to show that off either; but that's the only reason they did anything in the first place. Oh please, if you're gonna be a brown-noser, at least try to be honest with yourself. GOSH.
Woah. i feel a little better now. Sorry about that.
To everyone else, have a wickedly awesome day. Woot woot!

Some People....

"Sorry, So Sorry" - Howie Day and John Mayer, Llive at the House of Blues
Spend your nights here,
We'll always be up late
Keep each other on
Chemicals can make us stay
I meant you're out of line
With your friends and all your jokes
Moving out tonight
Making phones that hot to hold

And you really didn't know
And you really didn't know

Spend your days here
And never give up now
You keep the children down
You're down for one more hour
Imagine I would feel
If your friends were all your dates
I'm moving out with her
Do you shake? You'll be ok

And if you really didn't know
I swear I really didn't know
So I'm sorry, So sorry

I'm sorry, oh no
and I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry

Spend your nights here
We'll always be up late
Keep each other up
Chemicals can make us stay
I meant you're outta line
With your friends and all your jokes
Moving out tonight
Making phones that hot to hold

And if you really didn't know
I swear I really didn't know
So I'm sorry, so sorry

I'm sorry, oh no
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry.

Ok you guys, this is a kick-ass song and you have to listen to the guitar! 'Tis CRAZY! Ask Jess if you don't believe me. Plus, it has John Mayer - need I say more?

Oh and right on Jess, I really need to come over and see those new shoes! I'm stoked.

Woah. You guys, we only have one year left! Wow, what a subject change...

that really kinda scares me. I just don't want to NOT know what I want to do, you know? Like, man, what if I pick the wrong thing? I don't want to go through all this schooling and university and then come out saying, "Would you like fries with that?" (Shudders)

K, another totally random subject change - it's the sleep deprivation, so, um, sorry.

Best quote ever:

Beth: "Yo Breanne, don't be gettin' up in my grill!"
Breanne: "I can't Beth; you don't have a grill, you don't even have a RACK!"

Oh BAM. Perfection.
This is goodnight, I swear. Not that anyone even knows I'm on here but whatever. I'm weird. I talk to myself. Yup, still talking to myself.

Somehow things always look murkier after you talk.

Why is it that people say talking makes everything better? I mean, for simple things, maybe that works, but what about big muddy messes you can't ever seem to be rid of? Seems to me that talking complicates everything - makes you think harder and differently, perhaps change your stubborn views - but what if that just confuses you more? Gosh, so many questions, and no one ever has answers. Doesn't seem fair to me, but such is life. I don't think we're meant to be omniciant, but can't we catch a break and be clued in from time to time, perhaps saving us from out own stupidity?
Sorry if this makes NO sense at all...Just ramblings that are the after-effect of a very intriguing conversation that made me think and kind of get mad. THAT'S RIGHT, BREANNE IS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF GETTING MAD!
Shocker, I know.