How many whitecoats does it take to screw in a lightbulb???

I decided to ditch the whitecoats yesterday in favour of peace. Also it just seemed like a waste of time. They never tell me anything different. And they don't give a shit about it anyway. Honestly. They just kept frustrating me and everyone else, making me run in circles because they didn't have the balls to say they weren't going to do a thing. I talked to another professional on Wednesday, and she was actually really pissed - they should have admitted me over a week ago. It just shows you how stupid this all really is. I mean, they said I could have a heart attack, but then they'd be like (I kid you not), "Oh, come back next week, and we'll just ask you the same questions all over again and try to draw blood from veins you don't have!" Doesn't that sound like a wonderful way to waste your days? Argh. I'm still incredibly tired.

Oh, but on the upside I do want to say THANK YOU to you guys for coming over to visit me. That was the nicest thing - I got to see people from the outside world. It boosted my day for sure. I can't wait to see you guys again. True, not so excited about school, but oh well.

I'd like to report that everything is back to normal, but that would be a lie. I shouldn't even be home, but since I am it's become a sort of hospital in its own right; there are still crazy people running around outside my room, telephones ringing constantly, people popping in and out of your room all the time to see what/how you're doing. You sleep a lot. You can't just get up and leave. Everything is planned... I wish I could say that all of this made me feel like this is a good thing, but I can't say that. Not yet anyway. And it could just be my mindset now, but I sort of - no, definitely - miss how I felt before. Oddly, I liked it much better then than how I feel now. Maybe when I'm a little more used to this new "plan," my feelings will change. In fact, I should feel sort of lucky because I would not have the same plan if I were somewhere else. I dunno, I still hate this. Perhaps I feel so bad because either way, my body revolts. It hates the empty, rejects the full, makes me ill either way. I hate the games it plays with my head.

I'm going away next weekend. Going to see my sister (the lucky one who got to leave home at seventeen and therefore got to retain her sanity) and her hubby and my new nephew. I am excited about this, and so maybe that's what'll keep me going for the next week, knowing I have a way out. Also, I haven't seen my nephew yet, so I get to be the first of my family to hold him. Ha ha, you know I'll rub it in their faces. The weekend after that my parents and sister are heading out there, so I get to be home alone. Woot woot. Prepare for a feel-good bash in two weeks girls, cause right now is not so great so we need some good movies.